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2nd Quarter:
SB: They try some other crap, including chucking the ball (really far once). Some more running plays. One thing happens where a guy gets hurt and he’s taken off the field, into the bowels of the stadium, where he’s shot and stuffed into a dumpster, per NFL rules.
JD: The Steelers kick a field goal from 41 yards out and take the lead 3-0!
EW: There’s a long commercial break during which Dennis Rodman, wearing a Raggedy Ann costume, thrusts his penis into a hamburger, intoning "Ohhhh, so juicy!" We’re back to the game and the Seahawks have the ball.
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SB: The Seahawks run off field and instead of uniformed Seahawks coming back on, a whole line of chorus girls comes out.
TP: The ball is snapped by the dancers and the Steelers defensive line is kicked in the face by the chorus line!
JD: While momentarily dazed, the dancers are no match for the line and they are routed painfully. The Seahawks fumble but recover!
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EW: Four of the Steelers defensive linemen are dragged off the chorus girls, whom they have begun to hump! So much for football being gay—the Steelers appear to be bi-sexual.
JD: The Steelers players have been ejected from the game! Advantage Seahawks.
EW: Despite the advantage, nothing really seems to happen except for beer commercials and changes of possession in most uninspiring ways.
SB: After a time-out, the Seahawks wheel a catapult onto the field and launch their 3rd string quarterback, wide receiver and the football into the end zone from their own 7 yard line! Touchdown, Seattle!
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EW: The score is 6-3. The extra point is made easily, though the three players are dead. Seattle 7, Pittsburgh 3.
JD: The referees consult and award the Seahawks 10 more points for bravery and invention. Seattle 17, Pittsburgh 3.
TP: For some reason, John Madden takes this opportunity to smother eight chocolate chip cookies in ranch dressing and stuff them down his throat.
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JD: And that’s where the score will stay for half time, 17-3, Seattle leads. There have been some unorthodox strategies. As for the commercials, I was deeply disturbed by that ad where Donald Rumsfeld used a ball gag on Barbara Walters.
TP: Yeah, I mean, I want that nasty old hag shut up as much as the next guy, but kinky septuagenarians doing ads for color printers are just out of line. Period.
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